I’m sort of a lost sheep and been astray for this past months and need someone to talk to, seek advice on my academic problems. I don’t have this list of friends here neither do i have a bestfriend here to listen to all my problems so i decided and try Guidance Counsel.

I book my counseling just last week and the scheduled day/time is today last 6pm. Before i’m trying to book, i feel awkward and asking myself “Is this me? why should i go through all this counseling? im really this desperate?”. My answer: This is me, yes this is me who is really desperate to look for answers and results for my academic problems. I need this and maybe it will solve some of my questions. It won’t hurt that much if i try to. I feel corny and yes! im really shy person when talking to strangers in person.

After my Theology class at 5:40pm i return the Bible i borrow at university library then borrow a filipino book to photocopy Filipino assignment. Around 6pm – my schedule counseling, with mix feelings how should i react and talk and etc. From library after photocopying some pages of the filipino book i walk downstair towards the hall where Guidance Office is located. I open the office doors and ask with polite manner asking where is my counselor, “where is ma’am Leah?”. Ma’am Leah is counselor in-charge for counseling the Computer Studies Division students.
The person in the front desk of the office pinpoint where Ma’am Leah is sitting and call her attention. I wave shyly to her and slowly node my head down feeling shy. She smiles at me then ask “Do you recieve a pin slip from me?”, i said “no ma’am, i just book myself volountarily last week” and then she help lead to her office where the counseling will take place.

On her office she ask me to sit down and she start writing something on index card. After writing she handles it off to me the index card and ask me to write information like my name, course, address and age. Right then, she start asking hows my life and reply “I think im still ok, im still breathing.” then the next question “Hows your studies?” i answer with frustrating reaction “Ma’am its really bad, thats why i’m here”. She then login on the computer to check and verify my grades, they have direct access on student records. She start browsing my lowsy grades.

“What happen?” she ask politely then i start to talk freely why and how i’m suck at studies. I started by saying that my will to study is gone to drain and my motivation is really low. I also tell her the brief history of my school gimmick from jumping to this school and transfering to another university. She also ask if i’m coping up with my new environment. It’s hard to jive in to a new community and with new norms and most of my classmates are fresh highschool graduate where i find it hard to mix with them. i said.

To wrap it all (i’m lazy bum to write all our discussion) after an hour of talking and listening to advice its all point at me. The problem is me and were i’m easily discourage that leads me not to study even the exam is the next day. I’m a moody person if i dont feel like studying, i just sleep and daydream facing my computer scavenging interesting articles to read. I just need to face it because this is part of the package of life to deal with. I shouldn’t be discourage easily. GEE! This is the hard part. How can i get back to motivate myself again? i don’t know!

I really admire and appreciate her advice and approach but still im confused. This is the struggle im facing since the day i join the school from primary level (grade school) until to present. My really problem now is i have this verbal agreement with my Dad, that if i fail one subject he will stop sustaining my school expenses. I don’t know what happen next after this semester. I’m really tired of schooling trying to achieved the expectation of my parents to me. I tried but i suck at it. Hoping they will understand and forgive me for all the pain i give and for how failure me as student and as their eldest son. Sorry!

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