Am I Atheist? Sometimes I neither ask nor impelled myself this question wandered on my mind digging for answers. The answer is YES, it’s true for some time of my life and until now struggling throughout my life to reform and affirm my submission to the will of GOD.
Robinson’s in the article “Can a truly contemporary person not be an Atheist?” he claims that a fully man must be an atheist before he can be a Christian and thus he ask the Christian should address Atheism seriously. I’m no Christian believer but I think we share similar monotheism belief in my religion Islam. I’m a Muslim by birth and I confess I’m not fully practicing Muslim. There are so many excuses since I acquired and learned the three thrust of modern atheism that was Robinson’s talking about: 1) God is intellectually superfluous; 2) God is emotionally dispensable; 3) God is morally intolerable. These 3 motives impelled me to question God existence for over the past years that start during my early college and validate strongly my position being an Atheist. I was open to the idea of Atheism when I start learning the doctrines of Marxism’s like Materialisms and other articles which is mostly used in left-leaning groups.
Since the start of my life being an activist, student leader being part of the student council, mass organization and the least as a progressive individual adhering to ideal of communisms. But now I try to learn both doctrines of Islam and Marxism and the deep thought of Atheist teachings – I’m now confused that I mixed both ideas that I’m searching for answer to gap Islam and Marxism. Sadly until now I’m a failure to fill the gaps and I for this reason I left my left-leaning group. Even how I think and act atheistically I still submit myself looking to fill the gaps of science and religion. Until now the idea of God as intellectually superfluous as Atheists mostly believe like I partly do. In the working environment like in the factory God is irrelevant to the Union workers for them to achieve their rights for a just compensation.
I discovers that I no longer needs God or religion to run my life independently during the time I question the very existence of God or I don’t feels God’s holy presence and thus the second thrust – God is emotionally dispensable – validates atheists arguments strongly. According to Robinson that this line of attack to religion is incredible and superfluous and it create a dangerous illusion that man be will deviated to see the reality. The belief of atheism is to stop his illusion of seeking refuge to Father figure or God. Atheists create their own destiny or the fate of their success is their responsibility. That during the days I was so alone and hopeless in my problem, I don’t blame God or expect God to create some miracle to change my fate and destiny to a better one nor successful.
Since God is no help in my quests and journeys to defend the discriminated, oppressed and helpless people, I created a world without God since God didn’t exist to save all those people that needs God and thus this is the last thrust – God is morally intolerable. Is there such a God who kills and suffers his own people? Is it morally correct that God denies such help to those poor people? During the active days of my activist life I strongly deny the very existence and nature of God because God is disgusting since he creates such tragedies.
Though I look like hopeless to the point of being sarcastic, I still on my journey to learn and understand about God. I’m still hoping to understand and to have stronger in faith. Searching and digging is my unending love to open the realities and fill the gaps that makes me weak. I’m Atheist to some point but still believe that there still a God hiding.